I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
