Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize