marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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