I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
