i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
