You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
