Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
