Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize