I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
