Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
