I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
