Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize