Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
