meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
