So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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