His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish I only lived at night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize