Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
