I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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