Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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