Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
