your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Me too!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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