Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
