Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
