I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
