quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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