so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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