I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
