What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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