Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
