Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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