Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you had me at cake vodka
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
