I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Someone signed my nipple.
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