He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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