When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
