hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
