I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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