I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
