If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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