ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
