in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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