I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
