I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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