Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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