Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it's great music for shaving your balls
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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