My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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