Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
