my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
