oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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