Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
