why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
