So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
