It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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