I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
