remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize