His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize