defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
