yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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