her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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