Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can't talk, ducks in the car
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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