did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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