I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
