I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
