y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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