He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
