After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
