So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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