Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I party with great urgency now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
