sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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