i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
