She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
