I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
