so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
