If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My pussy is not your playground.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
