We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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