Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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