I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
