Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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