I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
