Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
