this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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